Hey! When I get manic episodes my sleep doesn’t change. I might sleep maybe an hour or two less but I’ve never had a problem with that. This makes me doubt whether or not I even have mania because I get tired and sleep fine :(

Hi anon!

Bipolarity cones in many flavours.

Bipolar I tends to involve actual manic episodes. These can include full-on delusions, hallucinations, and breaks with reality. Some people believe they are touched by a deity, or have superpowers. Sleep may not be possible.

Bipolar II is characterized by hypo-mania. The “high” phase expresses itself in feelings of confidence, energy, and racing thoughts. But without the disconnect. So I may feel I’m super good looking, or more capable than I am. But I don’t experience the belief that I am genuinely more than I am. Sleep may be hard to acquire or short in duration.

Cyclothymia delivers high phases that can be intense, but short-lived. They can also be quite spread out in occurrence. So while the sleep may not be good quality – or even possible – sleepless nights are less frequent.

And there’s no real boundary between these? It’s all experiential and your symptoms define the treatment. But it’s not to say that you can’t experience a mix of intensities. You can feel intense lows that would otherwise be categorized as Bipolar I but only experience a brief spurt of confidence/energy/anger similar to Cyclothymia.

Your labels matter because they help you put symptoms in a box. But what matters more is the quality of life you are able to experience around them.

If you are bipolar and don’t experience crazy highs, that’s okay! If you feel energetic AF but can still get a full eight hours a night, great! In my thoroughly un-medical view, if it doesn’t impact negatively on your quality of life, then you don’t need to take steps to fix it.

So anon, rest well when you can!

Flatlining

I get up late in the afternoon.

Put clothing on my body. Put food in my face.

Log on to do work type things. Press buttons. Click images. Drag things from one folder to another.

Get up. Pee. Sit back down.

More buttons.

Food in face.

Headphones. Coffee.

Ah, what was that? Did I hear a heartbeat? Did something stir? An echo of how I used to be?

I know this feeling. I call it “flatlining”.

It’s the part of a depressive phase. It’s the bit where I’m not unhappy. But I’m not content. Everything just is.

And it’s dangerous.

My
brain wonder how long I have to put up with this mode of existence. How
many days of getting up, clothing and feeding myself simply because I
”should”? How many weeks of pressing buttons and getting up to pee? How
many months of crushing monotony where nothing stirs my soul?

I
can see the danger. I have been through this before. Chances are, if
you’re reading this, then you have too. You know why it’s dangerous.

So, how can you beat the flatline?

There
are three things I know help me get to grips with it. Not banish it.
There’s no cure that causes me to suddenly perk up and just be better.

Here they are.

Caffeine.
Drink coffee. Or tea. Nothing too sugary – that causes too big a high
and low – but with enough stuff just to elevate your metabolism. It’s
not the same as true excitement. But it does help lift the fog. A
little. Enough so that I feel like I have a grip on my choices.

Exercise.
Walking seems pointless, and lifting weights feels like a zero-sum
game. But the stress it puts on your body stimulates the metabolism
further, keeping things ticking over. I feel like this stops my body
from entering a state of sludge.

Sleep. When I hit the point
where I can not do things, sleep is great. It helps restore brain
function by removing cellular toxins generated by daily activities. It literally flushes the shitty bits out of your brain.

What is your favourite way of recovering from flatline?

+++++

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