I have this voice inside my head. No, okay, not a voice, not in the “hearing voices” kind of way. A personality? No, that’s MPD. It’s more like a splinter of personality?
Anyway, I like to think of it as a genie that lives in a lamp in my head. It’s quiet most of the time, but when I’m in a position where I am expected to comply – with anything – the expectation rubs the lamp and the genie comes out and starts jumping and yelling and throwing things.
“YOU WANT THIS GUY TO DO A THING I DON’T THINK SO BUDDY YOU AIN’T THE BOSS OF MY PAL FUCK YOUR EXPECTATIONS WE DO WHAT WE WANT WE AIN’T SIGNING SHIT”
I call it the “screw-you” genie, because the only wish it grants is the capacity to flip people the bird without giving a shit.
And, you know, I’ll sign the damn paper or whatever, because it needs doing, and I just tell the genie to shut up and get back in its box/lamp/whatever.
But when I’m too weak to control it – when I’m dead-tired or angsty or I’ve been drinking or I’m heading towards depression – it gets loose. And just like the trickster djinns of old, it starts causing trouble by granting wishes I didn’t even know I had. And all the noise usually makes in my cranium suddenly comes spilling out of my mouth.
And I’m finally beginning to realise that this stupid genie has been responsible for oh-so-many incidents where I’ve lost friends and gained nothing but regrets in return – where I’ve suddenly flipped out and said things or done things that are out of character.
At least, I’d like to think they are. Stupid genie. Stop granting wishes I don’t even want.