Tag: mental illness

Mental Health Day

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Have you ever taken a day off work and not been sick?

Have you ever flaked on plans with friends, just because?

Or have you ever faked an illness to stay home from school and done nothing super productive?

Or even nothing fun?

My friend, this is a mental health day.

A day where you need space from everything. Space to take stock of what’s happening, where you’re at. How you’re doing.

You don’t have to be in a  high or low phase.

You just want context. You want to know how you’re doing. And that’s okay.

If you need a day off, do it.

And do it with integrity.

Make it a bi-monthly thing. Sit down with yourself when you know you’re doing okay and be honest. Think about how you’re doing. What works, what doesn’t. What you want to explore.

Then whatever your resolutions, put them into actions.

Some may question the idea of taking a day off when you’re not sick. But I say it’s better to be prepared. That it’s worth the cost.

And so are you.

Have You Tried [X]?

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In your journey to manage your mental health, you are going to receive advice.

Several times.

Okay, a lot.

From many people.

The first few times will be nice and simple and you’ll nod and listen and thank them.

And
then the next few times you’ll stare them down. Maybe inform them that
”… no actually this *is* a chronic illness, there’s *no* cure, and I
don’t *care* what worked for your Aunt Selma.”

It’s about this time that you’ll start wondering what the fuck is wrong with people.

It’s called “the illusion of control”.

The reasoning goes like this.

Person
A is a reasonably healthy individual. When problems crop up, Person A
is in a position to act. Person A believes that bad health comes from bad choices, and that they can stay healthy by
continuing to make the right choices.

This is Person A’s world.

Person A feels in control.

Now, say Person A meets Person B.

Person B is reasonably healthy, just like Person A.

Except Person B has a flavour of bipolar.

For
Person A, the idea that bad things
can happen to good people is antithetical to their experience.
Person A doesn’t *want* to believe that shit luck is real, because it means that it
could happen to them.

Bad health = bad choice. That’s the mantra. And by extension, they can turn bad
health into good health just by doing more of a good thing, or by doing less of a
bad thing.

To Person A, the idea that they are not in control
of their health is terrifyingly new. And so they will pile on the advice
in an attempt to drown out their fear.

Now, this phenomenon
is not even remotely unique to mental health. The illusion of control
pops up frequently. Especially when talking about poverty, criminality,
antisocial behavior, politics, economic choices, terrorism and more. It’s their fault, they could fix it if only they do [X].

So what can Person B do about Person A?

In my experience, you have three choices:

  1. Decide to put up with their feverish attempt to maintain their illusion
    by smiling and nodding and thanking them for their input.
  2. Choose to distance yourself from anyone who doesn’t take the time to educate themselves on the realities of mental health.
  3. Take a stand and attempt to educate them on the realities of mental health.

If you choose 1, you will get by okay, but may find yourself quite frustrated.

If
you choose 2, you will find it difficult to get on in most societies.
And, while sometimes necessary, I don’t recommend making this your
default behaviour.

If you choose 3, you are in for a fight.
People’s egos take the news that they might be susceptible to shit luck
as a threat. In response, they may go all out to defend their worldview.

There’s no wrong choice here. Look after yourself first. That’s rule #1.

But, if you do choose 3, you *may* just make life a little easier for Person A by
expanding their understanding and teaching them how to empathise. And in turn this *may* make it easier on the next
Person B that they encounter.

Choose wisely.
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The Chat

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Listen, honey. We… we need to talk.

This ain’t about you, or anything you have done. 

This is about me.

I am bipolar. I experience emotions in extreme intensities.

These moods do not have a correlation to reality. 

They are polarised. Hence… well, hence the name, I guess.

Like, for example, you know that one time when you had a small break down because you broke a glass? You told me you knew the reaction was extreme. You also told me it happens because your grandmother was very protective of her stuff. And anyone who broke her crockery would receive a full-on backhand slap, no matter the company.

That reaction? That freezing up from fear and regret? I can agree with you, it’s extreme.

But it has, like, an anchor. A reason. Your brain learned that smashing glassware meant bad things.

Now, can you imagine having that freeze up reaction if your grandma didn’t even exist?

Yes, I know your grandma was a sweetie really, and she would never hurt anyone otherwise. And no, I mean no disrespect in using her in this example.

Honey, please just listen. This is very personal and hard to talk about.

Can you imagine how hard it would be to freeze up at the sound of broken glass for no reason?

Good.

Now, can you imagine feeling something else at that sound? Like getting really angry at that sound? Like, primeval, flipping tables and breaking bones kind of angry.

Yes, kind of like that one cousin who throws tantrums a lot. Drop of a hat.

Or you know those times when your feeling in the zone? Just getting things done, and anything that gets in your way has to be smushed?

Now imagine having these feelings for no reason. Nothing has happened to you to. And having them for days on end?

I know, honey. It’s hard to imagine without experiencing it.

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