Tag: management

Mental Health Day

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

Have you ever taken a day off work and not been sick?

Have you ever flaked on plans with friends, just because?

Or have you ever faked an illness to stay home from school and done nothing super productive?

Or even nothing fun?

My friend, this is a mental health day.

A day where you need space from everything. Space to take stock of what’s happening, where you’re at. How you’re doing.

You don’t have to be in a  high or low phase.

You just want context. You want to know how you’re doing. And that’s okay.

If you need a day off, do it.

And do it with integrity.

Make it a bi-monthly thing. Sit down with yourself when you know you’re doing okay and be honest. Think about how you’re doing. What works, what doesn’t. What you want to explore.

Then whatever your resolutions, put them into actions.

Some may question the idea of taking a day off when you’re not sick. But I say it’s better to be prepared. That it’s worth the cost.

And so are you.

Hey, I’m 99% sure I have bipolar disorder. And I don’t know how to ask for help I am not close to any of my family members tbh and I just don’t feel comfortable talking to them about it. And they are so hurtful and rude to me I know they don’t understand what’s wrong with me but still. They say I’m acting “crazy” and I just feel so alone in this. So, my question is how do you deal with Being bipolar? and how did you ask for help? I’m underage as well so it’s ten times harder to ask for help:(

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

Hi Anon!

Yeah that’s a tough one alright!

Okay, so the usual caveats:

  • I’m no doctor/licensed professional
  • I don’t know you or your family situation
  • I don’t even know your country
  • Only suggestions I can give are from experience
  • Rule #1: look after number one

But first, I gotta say this to you.

You are not alone.

And to everyone else out there with a mental illness.

Diagnosed or not, you are not alone.

I know how it feels to be unsupported. You may be surrounded by people who don’t get it. Who don’t understand why you work the way you work. And being understood feels impossible. Because how can anyone know what you are experiencing without crawling inside your skull?

They can’t. No one can.

But we don’t have to.

You are not alone. Because, diagnosis or not, others have been where you are and come through it.

And we’re here to help.

Support groups exist for a reason.

And making use of them is a sign of strength.

We’re on your team.

You are strong enough to know when you need a hand, and you are strong enough to reach out for it.

Anon, you have already taken this first step by reaching out to me in this blog. That shows you have what it takes. If you can do this, you can go the distance.

Now, how do I deal with being bipolar?

I focus on my sense of ownership. I don’t control my feelings 100% of the time, sure. No one does.

But I am 100% responsible for how I react.

Depression is often considered the hard bit. And it has it’s dangers. But I have more difficulty with the high phases.

With depression, it is clear that I am “unwell”. And I’m usually lethargic AF. I stay in one place and feed myself and keep clean and just wait for it to be over. If anyone asks and I don’t fee like explaining it, I say I have a migraine. Zero damage.

But if I’m hypomanic I don’t feel “sick”. I feel great! I can do anything!! LET’S GO TO INDIA!!!

And it’s this feeling great that has me ignoring the red flags in my behaviour.

So instead of stopping the energetic behaviour, I redirect it before it goes too far.

Cleaning. Writing. New creative projects. I make cool plans that might be the best plans ever, but are also totally cool if they never happen. And I make it hard to spend money on impulse purchases by freezing my bank cards in blocks of ice.

These activities help divert my energy into harmless (and sometimes productive) channels until the episode subsides. And hey, if one of the side projects goes somewhere, great!

When I’m feeling off, I avoid sugar, alcohol, and caffeine, as these can impact on quality of sleep (which matters massively for mental health). I avoid all recreational drugs as well. I mean,
I don’t take them anyway, but I feel it’s worth saying.

Otherwise, I try to be as healthy as I can. I eat good food and lots of it. I work out three times a week.
I sleep for eight hours a night.

And I get out in the sunlight for ten minutes a day, whenever possible.

This stuff is boring and uncool and sometimes I hate my choice to be this healthy. But in reality it’s not that hard a choice. The truth is this – I can binge and be lazy and feel like shit, or I can suck it up, take ownership of my health, and have a great life.

I’m not perfect. I still act out and do unhelpful things. But these choices help me manage my reactions. And I’m glad I have the circumstances that let me make them

Now, how to ask for help?

That’s also tough.

I was diagnosed as an adult, which is a bit rare these days. But I know others who approached their families for help first.

Here’s their suggestions.

  1. Think about your ideal outcome. Is it a diagnosis? Getting support directly from family and friends? Really focus on the practical elements you want, and why you want them.
  2. Figure out which elements are the most likely to help you.
  3. Figure out which outcomes are most likely to work out the way you want them to in the long term.

If you’re in a position to request help from family, it may ease the process to perform a little creative framing.

You
say that they feel you are “ acting ‘crazy’”. It may help to own this.

You could say: “Yes, you are right. This behaviour feels out of character to me.
I am aware of it, and I understand your concern.

I would like to explore my options. Will you help me?”

Then if they are open to it, talk through your possible options. Make a point of including professional diagnosis, if that’s what you want. Or explain that you want to put mechanisms in place that limit any negative outcomes, while giving you space to regain control.

Whatever you are after, the aim is to take away their focus on you and your “behaviour” and how it makes them feel. And instead refocus their attention on solving a problem. All by giving them the opportunity to feel good by helping you.

Does this make sense?

Now I understand that not everyone is in a position where their family will respond the way they want. If you think they might? Then go for it. But if you think they won’t, rule number one comes into play.

Rule number one is “always look out for number one”.

Look after yourself first. Not in a selfish way. Not to the deliberate detriment of others. In this case, it may be a viable option to do your own research. Find strategies that work for you. Grow your understanding.

You may also choose to wait. If you feel that the support is not there, or you might make things worse for yourself, then this is a valid option. Look after yourself the best you can. And wait until you are in a position, or old enough, to get the help you need to improve your quality of life.

Regardless of what you choose, remember that you matter. And you are not alone

I hope this helps!

And if you need an outlet, suggestions, some real-talk on management strategy or whatever, you know where to find me.

Hey so I run this somewhat popular blog (I get a lot of asks is all) and I started the blog at a really good point, but now it’s getting hard to answer all of them in a consistent mood…. And I feel really bad about it. Should they know? I’m not sure how to approach this over the internet.

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

Thanks Anon!

I take it that you’re involved in blogging about mental health?

If not, that’s cool. These suggestions may still apply.

As usual, the caveats are:

  • I’m not a pro at anything forever
  • Your quality of life should be your #1 concern
  • any suggestions and observations are mine own

With that out of the way, lets think about how you got where you are, probably.

You put a lot of time and effort into making posts that you think your followers will value. And the respond in kind by trusting you enough to ask questions.

It feels good to help out. And if you’re in a good space, you have the emotional capacity and free time to help put, why not?

But you can’t pour from an empty jug.

If you’re finding you don’t have the reserves to give your followers the  responses they need, let them know.

Take a break. Turn off your asks. Communicate the reasons for doing so. Tell them your action plan. Give them a (realistic) timeline.

If you think you need a week, take two weeks. Or a month. That gives you the breathing space to investigate your enthusiasm and really focus on recharging your batteries. And all without the pressure of a looming deadline.

Plus, if you feel yourself get good in the meantime, you can surprise and delight your followers by coming back early.

Does that make sense, Anon?

Please feel free to let me know how you proceed!

Reasons You Should Date Me

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

When I am depressed:

  • we can catch up on all the TV shows

  • comfortable clothing is IN

  • also blankets

  • and naps

  • and pizza

  • and delicious coffee that makes your heart move

  • black humor that will leave you chuckling

  • reading YA and avoiding social media

  • music 24/7

When I am hypomanic:

  • I will make things happen

  • all of the things (hiking??)

  • affection like you read about

  • I will build your confidence like it’s my business

  • much sex (waaaaay much)

  • again with the coffee

  • and the music

  • and black humour

  • and also really bad dancing (I hope you like karate moves?)

When I am neither up nor down:

  • I’m just a regular person like you

  • except sometimes my moods don’t match my circumstances

  • I am well aware of this 

  • I research and practice healthy coping mechanisms

  • actually the black humour is just me I guess?

  • you are not responsible for my wellbeing

  • I will not ask you to be responsible for my wellbeing

  • If you are okay with me putting my mental health first we will have a great time

+++++

[shirt]

Symptoms

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

Symptoms

If you show symptoms of your mental illness, you’re not being manipulative.

You’re communicating.

And that’s okay.

If you hide symptoms of your mental illness, you are not “faking it”.

And you are not “better” or whatever. You’re getting by the best you can. And maybe you’re thinking of others and choosing to not burden them with your problems.

And that’s okay too.

The trick is to find a balance that works for you.

Your health is #1 and you need to look after yourself first. And it’s okay to find people who value this priority and your need for balance.

+++++

[shirt]

Squint Harder

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

Do you wear glasses?

Or know someone who does?

Congratulations, you know someone who requires medical aid to see the world in the same way as the majority of the population!

Now, as a glasses wearer, you probably get asked what it’s like to live without them.

They want to know what it’s like.

“Can you see without these?”

“Can you get through the day without relying on them?”

And the answer is maybe? I guess? I could close one eye and squint real hard and hope I don’t walk into something or miss a detail or make a mistake.

But even if I avoid these issues, it hurts my head
and people look at me funny and

so… no? I don’t think so?

Why would I avoid this certified, professionally supplied solution that lets me get by in my own way?

And people laugh and shake their heads and say they understand and how weird it’d be to make people who need glasses to get by to not wear glasses.

So my question is this – is there a way to make it clear to the world that this is also the same with professionally supervised therapy and medication?

After all, these too change how you see the world.

Tea-totaling

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

In some cultures, it’s seen as weird if you don’t take drugs.

My grandmother used to say that you shouldn’t trust a man who doesn’t drink beer.

A coworker would say they didn’t like working with people who drank tea instead of coffee.

Can you imagine what that would be like if we switched culturally-accepted drugs with mental health practices?

“Never trust a man who doesn’t meditate.”

“I hate working with people who don’t follow their prescribed medication regimen.”

“I’m more of a professionally-managed-medical-regimen kinda guy.”

“It’s unpatriotic to not sleep 8 hours a day, exercise regularly and eat real food.”

Can you imagine?

+++++

[shirt]

It ain’t about you.

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

There is one key element I’ve seen that helps relationships last when one of you has a mental illness.

It’s the same thing that helps keep neuro-normal partners together as well.

(Neruo-normal is such a fun word to say!)

It’s called understanding.

With bipolarity and cyclothymia, my episodes and depressions are rarely, if ever, about my partner. They may be involved due to circumstance, location or because they’re the only person in shouting distance/who is willing to give me a hug. But this interaction is not entirely triggered by, nor aimed entirely at, them.

This interaction, whatever it is, is more about chemicals and neural path ways in my brain lining up a certain way.

It’s me reacting to unseen stimuli.

A partner who understands this doesn’t take it personally when I cancel romantic dates last minutes because “mental health”. Or when I drink too much and try to fight their friend who keeps hugging me because he’s “too friendly” and is “ruining my vibe”.

Sorry about that.

But yeah. The key to a lasting relationship is understanding.

Taking the ego out of the equation and looking deeper at the root cause of my sometimes-painful-but-mostly-weird behaviour.

People who do that for each other are magic. And if a person is willing to do support their mental-illness-bearing partner, to look deeper and understand the mechanics – then they get to be the most magical thing of all.

They might get the chance to be a reason for someone’s recovery.

+++++

[shirt]

I want to come off my meds to try alternative therapies but im worried about being affected by the stress from college and work. I don’t want to put my life on hold to do it tho. Any suggestions?

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

Hi
msbrooks108!

Okay, it’s caveat time!

  • Not a doctor
  • Not a therapist
  • Not certified to deliver actionable advice
  • Suggestions only
    based on experience

And now the good stuff.

It’s all about quality of life.

Being bipolar means that you have a condition that directly affects your quality of life. While it’s a chronic disease that you have to manage for the rest of your life, in this aspect it is no different from any other medical condition.

It you have a broken leg, there’s the pain you have to deal with while it’s healing.
Which sucks, sure.

You also can’t do stuff you want to do. Like, uh, playing basketball? Getting up to make a sandwich? Which also sucks.

With your bipolar experience, it’s similar. You may not be able to play basketball, which sucks. And getting up to make a sandwich can be tough. And also, because of the bipolar experience, you may experience pain. Existential, but still real.

Both of these elements – the inability to do things and the pain – impact on your quality of life.

Now, let’s focus on the point of medication.

It exists to help improve your quality of life. To help you manage the pain, and enable a more normal existence, whatever that means for you.

So, why might you want to cease medication?

It might be expensive. It might cause complications, unwanted side effects. There might be a social or cultural taboo associated with the type of medication. Or you might be uncomfortable with the thought of ingesting “chemicals”.

For me, none of these reasons are invalid. They all make sense. But alone, they are not enough to make a decision to quit medication. Especially with chronic illnesses.

So let’s look at context.

You’re studying – which takes time and effort and costs money, but delivers “education” and “opportunities” and maybe “friends”.

You’re working –  which takes up time and energy, but delivers benefits like “experience” and “money”

.

You want to cease taking medication – what are the reasons for this want?

You want to try alternative therapies – what health/time/financial changes do you get from these therapies?

Then you have the wider impact.

Okay msbrooks108, here are the tougher questions. Some you can’t answer, because you don’t know the answers. And that’s important, because you have to measure how much “I don’t know” matters in your day to day.

So,
msbrooks108,

how will going off meds change your ability to work? How will it shape your approach to education? Are you in a place where you can slow down the volume of work/study in your life and focus on managing on your mental health? If it comes down to it, how do you feel about quitting your job, or cancelling your education? And how do the benefits of your preferred alternative therapies weigh up against these decisions, and their impacts?

For more context, check out this post where I answered a similar question.

Now, it’s important to note here that I’m not pro-medication or anti-medication.

I’m 100% pro-you.

I’m throwing these tough questions at you because it’s easy easy to give in to personal bias. To shape facts to get what you want. To ignore lines of inquiry because they might give you points of view you don’t want to have to consider.

Whatever you do, remember the following:

  • there are no do-overs, you’re alive here and now
  • everything is recoverable, the pendulum swings both ways
  • keep both eyes on your end goal which is having a good life.

And please, let me know what you decide and how you reached your decision!

With A Fork

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

“Dude, just relax!”

This one guy says this to me on a regular basis.

And each time I hear it, I grip my utensils just a little bit tighter.

We’re just sitting around eating a meal.

No big topics. No controversial music choices. Just food in face.

We’re talking about something mundane – laundry, maybe – when I remember I have a thing related to the laundry – some socks that need to go in the wash?

SO I softly swear and make a mental note to do so after the meal.

The dude notices and with a big, shit-eating grin, tells me to “just relax, bro!”.

I say nothing.

And it happens again

And that time, that one time, that’s it.

I’ve had enough.

I blow up at him.

I yell about how telling someone with anxiety to “relax” is like telling a drowning man to stop drowning. From the safety of their private yacht.

It’s insulting and upsetting and I think I’ve used this phrase before?

And he says hey it’s cool, I had depression in high school. I know what it’s like.

And I say hey, I don’t care, stop telling me to calm down.

Stop telling me to relax, chill, take it easy.

I can’t. This ain’t a choice.

And if you tell me that you’ve had depression and you know what it’s like and you still have the nerve to tell me to not feel how I feel, then I will stab you with my fork.

And we eat the rest of the meal in silence.

Later, we have a chat about bipolarity and the meaning of a “chronic illness”. And he apologises. His experience with depression was one of a battle, something to win. Not something to manage and endure. He didn’t know.

“Sorry bro.”

It’s okay hombre.

We all got our stuff.

And I’m sorry I threatened you with cutlery.

+++++

[shirt]