Tag: management

It’s Been A While

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Like all relationships, my interactions with my mental health have their ups and downs.

Sometimes we don’t talk to each other for months and then we get back together and it’s like my illness never left.

Sometimes it never leaves, and I never speak.

That’s what’s been happening for the past few months.

I crashed. Not hard. I mean, not harder than I’ve crashed before, but I crashed nonetheless. And instead of trying to force myself up, I’ve stayed down.

Eating the same food. watching the same shows. Seeing the same people.

It’s been a while since I did anything or felt useful.

But this time, I’ve taken it slow.

It feels like I’ve wasted months of my life.

But it’s all still here, waiting.

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Suffering Is Not A Contest

Since starting this little blog thing, there’s one phrase I keep hearing and reading that really gets me riled.

“I don’t think I’m sick enough to get help”.

Just… no.

I mean I get it. There’s this fear that even by contemplating going to a medical professional you’ll be labelled as potentially mentally ill.

But frankly, that’s dumb.

First up, you need to know.

You need to know what you have in order to manage it. And if you’re not actually mentally unwell, guess what? You’re not wasting anybody’s time. You, or your insurance, or you government, are paying a dedicated professional to assess you and give you an unbiased, objective opinion.

You’re not wasting their time or your money. They do this for a living. And you need to know.

Secondly, there’s no universal constant.

It’s not like there’s this grand unwritten measure that says “YOU MUST BE THIS ILL TO RESEARCH STUFF AND LOOK AFTER YOURSELF AND CONSIDER GETTING HELP.”

This isn’t a competition. Bipolarity is a medical condition. There’s no medals here.

Rule #1 – look after #1.

Comparing your experience to those of others like it’s a grade system is just unhelpful. The only comparisons that make sense are you today versus you yesterday.

If you’re suffering, do whatever you can to find out what you need to know. Don’t hurt others and don’t hurt yourself. Stick to that mantra and you’ll be golden.

Addictive Personalities

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people with addictive personality and historic of addiction (like on cigarettes, alcohol and drugs) are more probable of having Bipolar, or is it the Bipolar that kinda are prone to addictive behavior?

That’s a tough call, anon.

Compulsive behaviour is part of my bipolar experience.

I know I feel a need for nicotine, caffeine, alcohol, and sex when I’m experiencing a high or a low phase.

It’s almost like a displacement activity.

Instead of “I’m sad and I don’t know why” it becomes “I’m sad because I drank too much” or “my heart is racing for no damn reason” it’s “my heart is racing because I smashed three espressos”.

I feel that addiction has less to do with repeated exposure and more to do with a sense of emptiness, or a lack of connection.

Being bipolar gives me both compulsion and emptiness on a regular basis.

So I live clean.

I’m as close to straight edge as I ever want to get, and I like it like this.

I’m underage and idk

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I’ve always my diagnosis might be that I’m bipolar II for a number of reasons but I’m underage and idk if my doctor is waiting for me to be out of age. What I know is that I was diagnosed with major depression back in 2014 and more recently with ADHD. What sparked my interest is that I take this pill for my migraines and my doctor forgot to prescribe me them, so I had to mark an appointment. She knows I’ve been taking this medication for about 2 years now for migraines but she said: “Good thing that you mentioned that I forgot. This one is for the migraines and bipolar.” While I know that various medications can be for
many things, idk why she said that knowing that I’m aware that I take
it for migraines and have been for the past year. And I also take
Lithium, low dosage, but idk I think that she might think I have this
diagnosis too. How can I approach the subject? or do I wait to have a
hypo/manic episode?

Good question, anon!

I’d start by asking them outright.

Doctors are medical professionals.

In my experience doctors are more than happy to go through the logic and reasoning behind a diagnosis.

Let’s be real – diagnosis is pretty much 50% of their job.
So they aren’t likely to hold back on explaining their reasoning to you, their patient, no matter how old you are.

If you feel that you are experiencing symptoms of a flavour of bipolar disorder – or any mental health issue for that matter – then speak up about it. And if anything changes, let them know.

With mental health, the professionals can only act with the information you give them.

So make sure it’s complete!

Medical Communication

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Getting an accurate diagnosis is a huge part of managing any medical issue.

But so often, we’re so bound up in our pain that we aren’t able to communicate the full extent of our condition. This can result in a dismissive interaction where you feel your concerns are not being taken seriously.

This matters doubly for mental illnesses.

We can’t just get an X-ray or an eye exam. Our symptoms are personal. So our communication should be as well.

One way to help get the message across is to not just describe the symptoms, but how they impact our days.

For a physical ailment, the conversation might change from:

“My back hurts when I sit down”

to

“My back hurts when I sit down.
It is making my life

difficult. I can’t work at my desk, or drive to the shops, or play video games, or watch TV.”

The second option lets your doctor relate to your condition on a human level. They can empathise with your needs more clearly, which gives them the drive to go the distance on your behalf.

The same approach applies with mental issues.

Make
sure your doctor knows the full impact that your illness is having on
your life.

“I feel sad or empty for days at a time”

to

“
I feel sad or empty for days at a time. I’m worried it’s stopping me from getting my work done, enjoying my time off, and that it’s driving me away from family and friends.”

Don’t hold back for fear of being seen as weak.

You’re getting help. That takes guts.

Anon Asks

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Hi! I have a question regarding bipolar disorder.
My partner has been diagnosed with depression for years now but the antidepressants don’t really help them, and recently I’ve mentioned that it might be bipolar disorder. They mentioned that they did have an older relative who did have bipolar so there is that familial connection there. So now they think they have bipolar as well but hasn’t gone in to get it diagnosed yet. Their depressive states are usually pretty bad though (what I think would be considered their more manic state isn’t really that what I guess is stereotypical hypomania and all? They just seems a lot happier and more productive and all). It just seems like bipolar bc of the sudden changes tho imo, because they’ll be fine for a few days then fall into a depression slum for weeks. I guess I really want to ask if there’s something that is helpful that I can do when they’re depressed? I do my best to be supportive and help however I can but sometimes their actions have me scared and worried and I just wasn’t sure if you had any advice?

I really hope you have a nice day too btw!

Hi anon!

The tricky thing with mental health, as you’ve experienced, is that there is very little you can do without a diagnosis.

And depression can come from a number of different sources, with bipolar being just one. The important thing is to focus on the management of symptoms. So let’s put the idea of it being bipolarity aside and instead focus on the effectiveness of their current management.

Without knowing them, and just going on what you have described, it sounds like this could be unipolar depression.

I say this because with bipolarity, the problem with antidepressants is that they work a little too well. They send people off into hypomanic or manic episodes. With unipolar depression, the episodes can happen suddenly and without cause – one day you wake up and just everything is flat and flavourless, sometimes for months.

To get to the bottom of it, your partner needs professional medical assistance. If their meds aren’t working well, it could be due to a range of factors. Talking very generally (I’m not a doctor, after all) some meds work by building up a certain level of chemicals in the brain by blocking their reabsorbtion, other by slowing their production. These ones take time to deliver results. Other meds, people can build up a resistance to them over time, so the dosage needs changing, or a prescription needs altering. If their depression has a base in experience and/or circumstances, then there is a chance that talking therapies and CBT or mindfulness exercises may be useful in giving them a degree of control. Again, medical professionals need to do the heavy lifting on this to figure out the best way forward.

Now the big question – what can you do about it?

Nothing.

Not directly. When it comes to a partner’s mental health, you’re firmly in the passenger seat. Riding shotgun. You’re along for the ride, but you’re not in control.

This isn’t always easy to keep in mind, but the fact is that it’s not your mind. There is no way that you can experience what they are experiencing, and very little that you can do to influence it.

With mental health, Rule #1 is to always look after number one. And that applies to you too.

The best thing you can do is to be your best self. Like you would in any relationship. Perhaps the most helpful suggestion I have is to avoid the logic-trap of “well I did these things so I helped and now you are better … wait why aren’t you better?” I have seen this in action, and it destroys marriages, jobs, relationships of all kinds.

Trust in Rule #1.

Do what you can, when you can. Place no expectations on them and keep none on yourself. Provide support where it’s needed and welcomed. Hold space when they (or you!) needs distance.

What form these actions take is up to you two – you need to work out what it looks like together.

I hope this helps!

Finding your straw man

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A “straw man arguement” is an informal fallacy based on giving the impression of
refuting an opponent’s argument, while refuting an argument that was not
presented by that opponent.

It’s a petty political tactic, but I have learned something valuable from it.

You know those intrusive, shitty thoughts that just kinda ruin your day? Usually when depressive, but sometimes when hypomanic or experiencing anxiety or paranoia.

These invasive, unhelpful comments are illogical, but also hard to attack.

So I don’t attack them.

Instead, I pretend
they’re from the kinda person I wouldn’t ever listen to ever in real life.

Someone who is just ugh and is so obviously in the wrong they cannot defend themselves.


Some examples:

  • “Your ex cheated because you’re crap in bed.”
    • Says the fedora-wearing gamergate teen
      L0rdThund3rC0ck69.
      • “Timothy, does your mum know you’re up?”
  • “You’re selfish and have never done anything meaningful with your life.”
    • Says the uptight religious housewife who voted against marriage equality.
      • “Thanks
        Gladys,

        how’s the marriage going?”

  • “Everyone secretly wants you to disappear.”
    • Says the mean person at a house party who no one talks to and now you know why.
      • “Please fuck off, Krystal-with-a-K.”

Framing these thoughts in this way allows me to externalise their impact. It reminds me that these thoughts are happening to me, rather than being an experience I have chosen.

Who are your strawmen?

Navigating The Fear

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Depressive phases are scary.

High phases that express themselves as aggression are scary.

Not knowing when your next episode will be is scary.

Feeling stable and wondering if you were just imagining it all is scary

Being unsure how to talk about your mental illness with family and friends is scary.

There’s no answer here.

I just realised that this mental illness is like really fucking
scary. Also I’m proud of you just for getting through today.

How do I muster the courage to ask someone for help?

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How do I muster the courage to ask someone for help. I’ve asked my parents 3 times and they denied me. Im almost positive I do have bipolar and I just want meds for it. I self medicate but I feel bad when I do it. I need to know how to get help without consequence. Thanks for taking the time to read this and maybe responding.

Hi Anon!

Okay so, it’s caveat time!

  • Not a doctor
  • No training or certification
  • Life experience only
  • Quality of life is the focus

Having family support for a mental illness can be a great boon if it is available. But it’s not always on the table. And make no mistake, that sucks. I feel you.

All is not lost though. There is a way to find the courage to take action. It involves using what I call “Second-Best Programming”.

This involves using quick-but-intense thought patterns to cut away the clutter and think in one direction at once.

To do this, look at each of the following in turn:

  1. What do you want, in terms of concrete, physical actions and outcomes?
  2. Why you want this object/action?
  3. What are the chances of getting it?
  4. How much you are willing to endure to get it?
  5. Is/are there an alternative course/s?
  6. How much do they cost you?
  7. Is this better in terms of input and outcome?

As a real basic example, say I want to get a slice of pizza?

I could go to the one which has a long line where the pizzas are decent and the prices average there is one CUTE AF SERVER. Or I could go to the place next door where the pizzas are the same, the price is the same, the line is short, but the server there is just not my type.

With the programming above, I can see that I want pizza, and I can do that either way, but I also want to go and try to woo the cute server.

The question for me is do I feel that the wooing worth the wait?


For you, dear Anon, there is a lot to analyse.

And yeah, the idea of sitting around trying to measure feels when all you want is ANSWERS and RELIEF is just a huge kick in the pants.

But it is worth your time.

You are worth your time.

In this case, Anon, i would suggest starting with the importance of having familial support.

  • How much does it matter to you and why?
  • How much will it cost you to get it?
  • Is there an alternative to get access to the diagnostic services you require?
  • Does this alternative require less effort?
  • Is that less effort worth it?

If your analysis shows you that a good choice of action is to ask
someone for help – family or otherwise – then you have what you need!

Courage AND logic.

Go make it happen!

Another key point here is medication.

Medications are like sharp, broad tools that deal with
teeny tiny circuits. They need professional handling. They have side
effects. You do NOT want to be on the wrong meds.

And on self medication?

If it improves the quality of your life, then it’s viable – but don’t overdo it. This includes smashing eight coffees a day while on a high phase (take it from me this is a POOR CHOICE). Or doing shots of cheap whisky in bed to pass the time of a low phase. These things mess with you in ways you don’t expect. Don’t mess with meds until you have the guidance you need to get it right!

When it comes to the crux, it’s about the quality of life.

If getting a diagnosis right now is too hard, then don’t. Leave it until you’re in a better position to do so.

In the meantime look after yourself.

You want to get help without consequences?
Educate yourself on what is good for you. Steer clear of what isn’t. That includes people, environmental
stressors, foods, exercise, and more.

Get yourself as good as you can, then take the next step.

Be Kind

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At this time of year, many people feel alone.

They feel scared.

Left out.

Possibly due to circumstances outside their control.

Like mental health.

If this is you, it’s not your fault. You are strong and you’ll get through this..

If you see someone you know is struggling, and you feel okay in doing so, I urge you to tell them the same thing.

And if you are hypo, same deal.

At this time of the year, you are strong and you will get through this.