Tag: hypomania

Umbrellas on the inside

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

It’s raining. Do you decide to cancel your activities? Not see your friends, stay away from your job? Sometimes. But more likely, you’ll do the intelligent thing and grab an umbrella.

Will you get wet? Sure, a little. But you’ve done the smart thing, so the damage is minimal, and when the rain clears you can be happy with the results of your efforts.

Now, let’s liken depression and hypomania to weather. It’s not a straight-up comparison – none of that sunlight-for-happiness-and-clouds-for-sad bullshit. No. I mean:

  1. you just can’t control any of them
  2. they will impact on how you choose to spend your day
  3. you can only choose how to respond

Knowing this, you can still choose to do the intelligent thing.

Grab an umbrella. Even if all your doing is sitting in a park. Or sitting in your room reading the internet on a laptop. Grab an umbrella for the inside – talk to your doc, the therapist, your family – let them know what’s happening. Do the exercises, eat good, be kind to your meat-suit.

You will still feel the effects – you will still get wet – but I think it’s better than being drenched.

Gritted Teeth

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

You know that feel you get where you’ve had too much coffee? Your heart beats fast and strong, energy courses through your being, but you’re so scattered you don’t know what to do first.

When the dude in front of you in the line at the shopping cart can’t decide if he wants to pay with cash or credit?You just want to shake him and tell him it doesn’t matter.

When you’re traveling with that one guy who just doesn’t get it? We’re all in the same boat, mate. We’re all here for the same reason – good times –  and your dramatics aren’t helping in that direction.

BUT what do you do when there’s no dude? No line? No coffee?

When you’re just so agitated and aggressive, but there’s no external cause?

This is the bad side of hypomania. This is the part that ruins all your hard work. But what can you do?

Grin and bear it?

Productive

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

Well, well, would you look at that?

In one day I have completed a massive amount. Yes, I know it’s thanks to hypomania. And I’m doing my best to steer clear of unsettling elements.

These include:

  • exceedingly cheap beer
  • amazing coffee
  • crazy clubs/beach bars

And instead I am:

  • learning to surf
  • climbing volcanoes
  • taking a cooking class

Wish me luck!

Vacuism

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

I love freckles and tattoos, dyed hair and bolshiness.
I place value on sarcasm and perceived depth.
I desperately seek a yogi mind behind Clubwalker sunglasses, hiding a raging awareness of missed opportunities behind a thousand-yard stare.

I feel like I miss the point of calmness.

I’m in love with bits and pieces of people and situations and they are never enough to make a lasting connection.

Why do people even like each other?

Who are you and can I buy you dinner?

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

I saw you this one time at a party.

I put on this one song I liked and you asked if it was this one band and I said yes and you winked.

That wink struck hard and fast. The chorus came on and suddenly there was dancing and I suck at dancing – but there’s no space on the dance floor for being self-conscious.

Then the party came to a close and there was only one thing left to do – I had to ask you a question.

But I didn’t then. So I’m asking now.

Who are you and can I buy you dinner?

Too Much Fun

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

YES

Everything is coming up fucking roses.

Got a date. Got a party to go to. Got plane tickets.

Life is amazing! I can do anything! Let’s go to India!

MOVE TO MELBOURNE AND OPEN A PIZZA SHOP THAT’S ALSO A RECORD STORE AND HAVE ALL THE SEX IN THE WORLD

What do you mean “calm down”?

+++++

Recently I had a hypomanic episode that was, at its height, fucking ridiculous. Yes, good things did happen, but to me these happenings were literally signs from the universe that I was making all the right choices.

They were not. They were just good things that happen.

But when I get in that headspace – when the good chemicals are flowing freely – I just want to share it. All the good stuff.

I get aggressive. Obnoxious, perhaps, or just loud.

And it’s almost like I can see it their eyes, these people around me. Friends and family, faces on the street. They know something is going on, but they don’t know what.

And they don’t know how to react. And at the time I don’t care.

But afterwards, I get it. And sometimes, like now, I feel ashamed.

How do you tell someone they’re having too much fun?

Introvert

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

“You’re a what?”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Not you. No way!”

But it’s true. I have a sensitive physiology that experiences stimulus at a heightened rate when compared to them normal people (whatever normal is).

So I often pick reading alone over partying. I choose writing with my headphones on over drinks with mates (sorry mates).Or a documentary or sketch session over beer-pong and battleshots. It has happened.

It’s just hard to believe. Because I’m also bipolar. And the high times? They give me the courage and confidence to be the kind of person who starts the party. To get excited and make things happen. Not always intelligent things, granted, but at the time it beats standing still.

The high times helped me work manically in high-pressure environments. Without the high times, I would have struggled way more than I did.

The high times have made it easy to say yes to knew experiences. To go to new places, experience new things.

Without the high times I would have stared at my shoes instead of smiling at the cutie in the cafe that one time.

But it comes at a cost, and that cost is exhaustion. I can’t always keep up with the high times. And I need to be okay with that.

It’s time to acknowledge my introvert tendencies for what they are. Not as a weakness or a handicap, but as a physical predisposition, same as being bipolar.

This Is A Game Worth Losing

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

I just lost The Game. And so did you. Oh you don’t know about The Game? To learn about The Game, click here.

Put simply, The Game is impossible to win.

I could view playing The Game as a negative scenario, a reflection of the inevitable futility of the human condition. I mean, in the grand scheme, everything we struggle for means nothing, and in 100 years our names will be as dust.

BUt when winning isn’t an option, the outcome doesn’t matter. And that makes s the games we play matter a hundred times more than the outcome.

So, which games are worth losing?

Today, I choose living. I will lose, eventually . But I’ll play because I enjoy it.

Ebullient

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

Not to be confused with “effervescent"—that’s too bubbly. Today, you’re just really, energetic and—without being over the top—full of good vibes.

People look at you and say, "you look pretty happy”. And you say “thanks, I do feel good” and you both nod go about your day. There’s a spring in your step, you might whistle, or even occasionally click your heels, which is actually quite hard to do.

You feel so good that you choose to project your feeling onto the reader, because admitting you feel this good carries the understanding that you will soon not feel this good.

And that is a prospect you fear.