There’s no feeling weirder to me than the blanket of lethargy.
This facet of depression shines oddly because it’s not painful. I’m not sad or hurting or completely numb.
I’m just unable to do things. For days or weeks at a time.
There’s this blanket in my skull that sits between effort and reward. So I still like things, but passively. Music and videos are fine, because I can consume them without effort. But anything that requires action – even reading or drawing or making food or washing – is hard uncomfortable and and unrewarding.
It’s too comfortable.
And that’s why it sucks.
I have responsibilities. To myself, to others.
I am trying to stay fit and healthy, but my muscle mass has dropped. I can see the changes in my face and body. There’s less strength in my movements.
I’m less hungry. I just want to sleep.
All I can do is rest. But rest isn’t enough.
I can’t keep lying here.