Tag: family

How do I muster the courage to ask someone for help?

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

How do I muster the courage to ask someone for help. I’ve asked my parents 3 times and they denied me. Im almost positive I do have bipolar and I just want meds for it. I self medicate but I feel bad when I do it. I need to know how to get help without consequence. Thanks for taking the time to read this and maybe responding.

Hi Anon!

Okay so, it’s caveat time!

  • Not a doctor
  • No training or certification
  • Life experience only
  • Quality of life is the focus

Having family support for a mental illness can be a great boon if it is available. But it’s not always on the table. And make no mistake, that sucks. I feel you.

All is not lost though. There is a way to find the courage to take action. It involves using what I call “Second-Best Programming”.

This involves using quick-but-intense thought patterns to cut away the clutter and think in one direction at once.

To do this, look at each of the following in turn:

  1. What do you want, in terms of concrete, physical actions and outcomes?
  2. Why you want this object/action?
  3. What are the chances of getting it?
  4. How much you are willing to endure to get it?
  5. Is/are there an alternative course/s?
  6. How much do they cost you?
  7. Is this better in terms of input and outcome?

As a real basic example, say I want to get a slice of pizza?

I could go to the one which has a long line where the pizzas are decent and the prices average there is one CUTE AF SERVER. Or I could go to the place next door where the pizzas are the same, the price is the same, the line is short, but the server there is just not my type.

With the programming above, I can see that I want pizza, and I can do that either way, but I also want to go and try to woo the cute server.

The question for me is do I feel that the wooing worth the wait?


For you, dear Anon, there is a lot to analyse.

And yeah, the idea of sitting around trying to measure feels when all you want is ANSWERS and RELIEF is just a huge kick in the pants.

But it is worth your time.

You are worth your time.

In this case, Anon, i would suggest starting with the importance of having familial support.

  • How much does it matter to you and why?
  • How much will it cost you to get it?
  • Is there an alternative to get access to the diagnostic services you require?
  • Does this alternative require less effort?
  • Is that less effort worth it?

If your analysis shows you that a good choice of action is to ask
someone for help – family or otherwise – then you have what you need!

Courage AND logic.

Go make it happen!

Another key point here is medication.

Medications are like sharp, broad tools that deal with
teeny tiny circuits. They need professional handling. They have side
effects. You do NOT want to be on the wrong meds.

And on self medication?

If it improves the quality of your life, then it’s viable – but don’t overdo it. This includes smashing eight coffees a day while on a high phase (take it from me this is a POOR CHOICE). Or doing shots of cheap whisky in bed to pass the time of a low phase. These things mess with you in ways you don’t expect. Don’t mess with meds until you have the guidance you need to get it right!

When it comes to the crux, it’s about the quality of life.

If getting a diagnosis right now is too hard, then don’t. Leave it until you’re in a better position to do so.

In the meantime look after yourself.

You want to get help without consequences?
Educate yourself on what is good for you. Steer clear of what isn’t. That includes people, environmental
stressors, foods, exercise, and more.

Get yourself as good as you can, then take the next step.

Hey, I’m 99% sure I have bipolar disorder. And I don’t know how to ask for help I am not close to any of my family members tbh and I just don’t feel comfortable talking to them about it. And they are so hurtful and rude to me I know they don’t understand what’s wrong with me but still. They say I’m acting “crazy” and I just feel so alone in this. So, my question is how do you deal with Being bipolar? and how did you ask for help? I’m underage as well so it’s ten times harder to ask for help:(

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

Hi Anon!

Yeah that’s a tough one alright!

Okay, so the usual caveats:

  • I’m no doctor/licensed professional
  • I don’t know you or your family situation
  • I don’t even know your country
  • Only suggestions I can give are from experience
  • Rule #1: look after number one

But first, I gotta say this to you.

You are not alone.

And to everyone else out there with a mental illness.

Diagnosed or not, you are not alone.

I know how it feels to be unsupported. You may be surrounded by people who don’t get it. Who don’t understand why you work the way you work. And being understood feels impossible. Because how can anyone know what you are experiencing without crawling inside your skull?

They can’t. No one can.

But we don’t have to.

You are not alone. Because, diagnosis or not, others have been where you are and come through it.

And we’re here to help.

Support groups exist for a reason.

And making use of them is a sign of strength.

We’re on your team.

You are strong enough to know when you need a hand, and you are strong enough to reach out for it.

Anon, you have already taken this first step by reaching out to me in this blog. That shows you have what it takes. If you can do this, you can go the distance.

Now, how do I deal with being bipolar?

I focus on my sense of ownership. I don’t control my feelings 100% of the time, sure. No one does.

But I am 100% responsible for how I react.

Depression is often considered the hard bit. And it has it’s dangers. But I have more difficulty with the high phases.

With depression, it is clear that I am “unwell”. And I’m usually lethargic AF. I stay in one place and feed myself and keep clean and just wait for it to be over. If anyone asks and I don’t fee like explaining it, I say I have a migraine. Zero damage.

But if I’m hypomanic I don’t feel “sick”. I feel great! I can do anything!! LET’S GO TO INDIA!!!

And it’s this feeling great that has me ignoring the red flags in my behaviour.

So instead of stopping the energetic behaviour, I redirect it before it goes too far.

Cleaning. Writing. New creative projects. I make cool plans that might be the best plans ever, but are also totally cool if they never happen. And I make it hard to spend money on impulse purchases by freezing my bank cards in blocks of ice.

These activities help divert my energy into harmless (and sometimes productive) channels until the episode subsides. And hey, if one of the side projects goes somewhere, great!

When I’m feeling off, I avoid sugar, alcohol, and caffeine, as these can impact on quality of sleep (which matters massively for mental health). I avoid all recreational drugs as well. I mean,
I don’t take them anyway, but I feel it’s worth saying.

Otherwise, I try to be as healthy as I can. I eat good food and lots of it. I work out three times a week.
I sleep for eight hours a night.

And I get out in the sunlight for ten minutes a day, whenever possible.

This stuff is boring and uncool and sometimes I hate my choice to be this healthy. But in reality it’s not that hard a choice. The truth is this – I can binge and be lazy and feel like shit, or I can suck it up, take ownership of my health, and have a great life.

I’m not perfect. I still act out and do unhelpful things. But these choices help me manage my reactions. And I’m glad I have the circumstances that let me make them

Now, how to ask for help?

That’s also tough.

I was diagnosed as an adult, which is a bit rare these days. But I know others who approached their families for help first.

Here’s their suggestions.

  1. Think about your ideal outcome. Is it a diagnosis? Getting support directly from family and friends? Really focus on the practical elements you want, and why you want them.
  2. Figure out which elements are the most likely to help you.
  3. Figure out which outcomes are most likely to work out the way you want them to in the long term.

If you’re in a position to request help from family, it may ease the process to perform a little creative framing.

You
say that they feel you are “ acting ‘crazy’”. It may help to own this.

You could say: “Yes, you are right. This behaviour feels out of character to me.
I am aware of it, and I understand your concern.

I would like to explore my options. Will you help me?”

Then if they are open to it, talk through your possible options. Make a point of including professional diagnosis, if that’s what you want. Or explain that you want to put mechanisms in place that limit any negative outcomes, while giving you space to regain control.

Whatever you are after, the aim is to take away their focus on you and your “behaviour” and how it makes them feel. And instead refocus their attention on solving a problem. All by giving them the opportunity to feel good by helping you.

Does this make sense?

Now I understand that not everyone is in a position where their family will respond the way they want. If you think they might? Then go for it. But if you think they won’t, rule number one comes into play.

Rule number one is “always look out for number one”.

Look after yourself first. Not in a selfish way. Not to the deliberate detriment of others. In this case, it may be a viable option to do your own research. Find strategies that work for you. Grow your understanding.

You may also choose to wait. If you feel that the support is not there, or you might make things worse for yourself, then this is a valid option. Look after yourself the best you can. And wait until you are in a position, or old enough, to get the help you need to improve your quality of life.

Regardless of what you choose, remember that you matter. And you are not alone

I hope this helps!

And if you need an outlet, suggestions, some real-talk on management strategy or whatever, you know where to find me.

Family Matters

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

ANON ASKS:

How do I explain bipolar to my little brother and other family members ?

This conversation depends on your family, and the usual caveats apply:

  • not a therapist
  • own experiences only
  • your quality of life is my number 1 concern

I’d start by explaining the heights and depths you experience.

Ask them the best they’ve felt, and the saddest. Or angriest. Or most enthusiastic. However it is that your condition affects you.

Make it relatable.

Point out how most neuro-typical people feel things as a response. A response to something happening out in the world, or a thought pattern in their head.

Then ask them to imagine feeling these things for no obvious reason.

It’s a cyclical thing, strange brain circuitry activating the feels without needing any input.

Then talk about the length and variability of these feels.

Normal brains stop pushing buttons when the input goes away. Bipolar brains can lean on the buttons till there are no chemicals left. So you feel the feel for waaay longer than normal.

And then perhaps if they can absorb all that, move on to how it might affect them.

Talk about the impact it has on your day.

And how you make changes to get by.

Talk about the fact that it’s a chronic condition.

That it will be with you always. And maybe the need for and types of management available.

Regardless of how you do it, make sure that you have an eye on the outcome that you want to achieve.

Sympathy, or maybe offers of help as a support network. Be honest about how they can help – if they can help – and make it clear that the conversation is about helping them understand.

Let’s be real here – it takes years to feel you understand it.

And even then, there’s no way of knowing if you’ve run the gamut of BP experience.

Just the other week I hit a paranoid high and that was uncomfortable. Because I’ve never had that before. And I had to figure out if it was a valid reaction to circumstances or a new symptom.

So don’t worry about getting it across to everyone 100%.

Instead, focus on making sure they’re in a position where you feel comfortable interacting with them.

That’s way more important.