This is a note to remind my future self of two key facts:
- I have bipolar
- I am physiologically sensitive to stimulation (introverted)
I feel things that – while very real for me – may not be congruent with the environment. Furthermore, these feelings are excessively acute – my nervous system and brain literally feel things more keenly than your regular person might.
So, when I feel a sudden spike of energy, I am aware that it could be limerent emotions that are not necessarily reciprocated. Nonetheless, if they appear congruent and reciprocal, it is good to see where they lead. I should keep this in mind in future, as awesome things can and do happen.
If circumstances change, however, and the feeling seems to wane, it is important to check with the party in question to see if this is an artifact of either of the above conditions, or if this is something that is manifest in the world outside my head. And in both cases, it is vital to acknowledge the shift.
Should it become apparent that the shift is real, that something is missing and the feeling cannot be induced or revived, then it is best to step back and cogitate before making further decisions.
Give yourself the space and the time to make awesome decisions.
And again, communicating these actions is vital to healthy relationships. Simply acting on emotions alone means there is a good chance that the response is inappropriate, unwelcome, uncomfortable for all concerned.And I know this is hard, future self, because the feelings are so strong and to not act on them in the heat of the moment feels unnatural, painful, and it stresses you out.
Stop and think.
So, this is a note to my future self. The relationship is over. You both tried, but the chemistry of the interpersonal relationship was not right. There was no gel. From the intelligent, rational perspective, it looks like you’re both suited for a solid, awesome friendship that, given time, may reemerge, and you can both enjoy each others company once again.
Maybe.
Future self, this is important. Do not give in to the temptation to wreck that future out of a misplaced sense of betrayal. Do not even attempt contact. Now is the time for quiet. Now is the time for peace.
Be cool.
Besides, she will not call you back.