Hi Anon!

Yeah that’s a tough one alright!

Okay, so the usual caveats:

• I’m no doctor/licensed professional
• I don’t know you or your family situation
• I don’t even know your country
• Only suggestions I can give are from experience
• Rule #1: look after number one

But first, I gotta say this to you.

You are not alone.

And to everyone else out there with a mental illness.

Diagnosed or not, you are not alone.

I know how it feels to be unsupported. You may be surrounded by people who don’t get it. Who don’t understand why you work the way you work. And being understood feels impossible. Because how can anyone know what you are experiencing without crawling inside your skull?

They can’t. No one can.

But we don’t have to.

You are not alone. Because, diagnosis or not, others have been where you are and come through it.

And we’re here to help.

Support groups exist for a reason.

And making use of them is a sign of strength.

We’re on your team.

You are strong enough to know when you need a hand, and you are strong enough to reach out for it.

Anon, you have already taken this first step by reaching out to me in this blog. That shows you have what it takes. If you can do this, you can go the distance.

Now, how do I deal with being bipolar?

I focus on my sense of ownership. I don’t control my feelings 100% of the time, sure. No one does.

But I am 100% responsible for how I react.

Depression is often considered the hard bit. And it has it’s dangers. But I have more difficulty with the high phases.

With depression, it is clear that I am “unwell”. And I’m usually lethargic AF. I stay in one place and feed myself and keep clean and just wait for it to be over. If anyone asks and I don’t fee like explaining it, I say I have a migraine. Zero damage.

But if I’m hypomanic I don’t feel “sick”. I feel great! I can do anything!! LET’S GO TO INDIA!!!

And it’s this feeling great that has me ignoring the red flags in my behaviour.

So instead of stopping the energetic behaviour, I redirect it before it goes too far.

Cleaning. Writing. New creative projects. I make cool plans that might be the best plans ever, but are also totally cool if they never happen. And I make it hard to spend money on impulse purchases by freezing my bank cards in blocks of ice.

These activities help divert my energy into harmless (and sometimes productive) channels until the episode subsides. And hey, if one of the side projects goes somewhere, great!

When I’m feeling off, I avoid sugar, alcohol, and caffeine, as these can impact on quality of sleep (which matters massively for mental health). I avoid all recreational drugs as well. I mean,
I don’t take them anyway, but I feel it’s worth saying.

Otherwise, I try to be as healthy as I can. I eat good food and lots of it. I work out three times a week.
I sleep for eight hours a night.

And I get out in the sunlight for ten minutes a day, whenever possible.

This stuff is boring and uncool and sometimes I hate my choice to be this healthy. But in reality it’s not that hard a choice. The truth is this – I can binge and be lazy and feel like shit, or I can suck it up, take ownership of my health, and have a great life.

I’m not perfect. I still act out and do unhelpful things. But these choices help me manage my reactions. And I’m glad I have the circumstances that let me make them

Now, how to ask for help?

That’s also tough.

I was diagnosed as an adult, which is a bit rare these days. But I know others who approached their families for help first.

Here’s their suggestions.

1. Think about your ideal outcome. Is it a diagnosis? Getting support directly from family and friends? Really focus on the practical elements you want, and why you want them.
2. Figure out which elements are the most likely to help you.
3. Figure out which outcomes are most likely to work out the way you want them to in the long term.

If you’re in a position to request help from family, it may ease the process to perform a little creative framing.

You
say that they feel you are “ acting ‘crazy’”. It may help to own this.

You could say: “Yes, you are right. This behaviour feels out of character to me.
I am aware of it, and I understand your concern.

I would like to explore my options. Will you help me?”

Then if they are open to it, talk through your possible options. Make a point of including professional diagnosis, if that’s what you want. Or explain that you want to put mechanisms in place that limit any negative outcomes, while giving you space to regain control.

Whatever you are after, the aim is to take away their focus on you and your “behaviour” and how it makes them feel. And instead refocus their attention on solving a problem. All by giving them the opportunity to feel good by helping you.

Does this make sense?

Now I understand that not everyone is in a position where their family will respond the way they want. If you think they might? Then go for it. But if you think they won’t, rule number one comes into play.

Rule number one is “always look out for number one”.

Look after yourself first. Not in a selfish way. Not to the deliberate detriment of others. In this case, it may be a viable option to do your own research. Find strategies that work for you. Grow your understanding.

You may also choose to wait. If you feel that the support is not there, or you might make things worse for yourself, then this is a valid option. Look after yourself the best you can. And wait until you are in a position, or old enough, to get the help you need to improve your quality of life.

Regardless of what you choose, remember that you matter. And you are not alone

I hope this helps!

And if you need an outlet, suggestions, some real-talk on management strategy or whatever, you know where to find me.