Tag: cognitive behavioral therapy

Squint Harder

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

Do you wear glasses?

Or know someone who does?

Congratulations, you know someone who requires medical aid to see the world in the same way as the majority of the population!

Now, as a glasses wearer, you probably get asked what it’s like to live without them.

They want to know what it’s like.

“Can you see without these?”

“Can you get through the day without relying on them?”

And the answer is maybe? I guess? I could close one eye and squint real hard and hope I don’t walk into something or miss a detail or make a mistake.

But even if I avoid these issues, it hurts my head
and people look at me funny and

so… no? I don’t think so?

Why would I avoid this certified, professionally supplied solution that lets me get by in my own way?

And people laugh and shake their heads and say they understand and how weird it’d be to make people who need glasses to get by to not wear glasses.

So my question is this – is there a way to make it clear to the world that this is also the same with professionally supervised therapy and medication?

After all, these too change how you see the world.

Think Happy

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

How many of us have heard that we need to “think happy”?

This
well-meaning idealism may come form a nice place. But it’s got to stop.
At best it is
misleading when being said to those of us with bipolar and cyclothymia. And at worst it’s dangerous bullshit that makes a bad situation worse.

Here’s where I think it comes from.

Research
into how our minds work have stumbled across a fancy notion –
neuroplasticity. The layman-friendly idea is that you  can change your
brain simply by thinking.

As often happens with breakthroughs,
this simplification gets taken outside its context. Sure, thinking
happy thoughts can improve moods. But it doesn’t mean that this is a
cure-all.

But people want simple.

They want easy. They want
something they can understand. They don’t want to spend time researching
bipolar disorder and cyclothymia. They don’t understand how important
it is for those of us living with it.

It’s not lazyness. It’s just a lack of information.

So they use the details they have to try and make what they think is a positive impact. They preach what they can understand, not realising its potential impact.

Here’s why it’s misleading.

Mindfulness
and cognitive behavioral therapy can help people. They can allow
practitioners to alter their mood by altering their thinking. From
experience, these practices deliver insight into moods and thought
patterns. And this lets me prepare in advance and react more
appropriately during a recognised up or down phase.

The practice of “thinking happy” sort of falls into this category.

But
my bipolaroid brain doesn’t always follow
the prescribes path as dictated by external and internal stimuli.

So I
can have insight. I can have control over my reactions. But these practices do not deliver a means to
control the mood itself. Meaning that for me, “thinking happy” just
doesn’t work in practice.

Hell, if we could think ourselves happy,
wouldn’t we?

Here’s why it’s dangerous bullshit.

If
I’m down, and I’m told to “think happy", it makes me feel helpless.

I
can try it. It doesn’t work. And that clear failure becomes just another
weight dragging me down. It also opens up a gap in understanding.
Suddenly, the well-wisher isn’t a bright face swimming in the dark seas offering help.
They’re yelling out “just don’t drown” from a passing yacht.

And that’s just insultingly unhelpful.

Why?
Because like many with this condition, I work for my happiness. I
stress and I measure and I build routines. I do yoga and meditate and
eat right and go above and beyond what I see others doing in the pursuit
of happiness.

I fight for my happiness every day. Every second.

That’s why
this well-wisher gets lumped in the “dangerous bullshit”  category.

Standing there with a sympathetic smile telling me that I can just
“think happy” is bordering on insulting. And that’s not something that
someone in my position needs.

Not that they know that. They don’t have to live like this.

Drowning isn’t normal. Yachts are normal.

So, what can we do?

Educate.

Talk them through the thought patterns. When you can.

Explain the actual work that
goes into becoming someone who can function as well as we can.

Try to make them understand the obstacles in our way.

Bring them into your world using analogies, and make them a champion of your daily struggle with thinking happy.

Maybe it will stick, maybe not.

But their involvement can be part of our happiness – if we can just get through to them.

Molasses

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

You ever had to wade through molasses?

Or maybe tar? Or glue?

Me neither. But  know what it’s like.

A single step is an effort. Raising your hand or arm is tiring. Keeping your head up is exhausting.

Now, imagine if the molasses was on the inside.

Imagine it weighing things down. Normal automatic processes are harder. Your appetite slows. Breathing is a struggle. Smiling or looking someone in the eye is a titanic undertaking. The molasses makes everything heavier.

Now imagine the molasses in your head.

It binds to thoughts, slowing them to a standstill. Feelings get sucked under. Logic gets glued in place.

Any activity is a drain. It feels like there’s no action you can take that is going to be freeing, liberating, easy. Because even thinking is an effort. And forcing action is next to impossible.

This is depression.

You can’t fight it. Your body is too heavily bound. You can’t grin and bear it, because smiling sits heavily on your face. You can’t think your way out, because the thoughts are caught.

So, how do you get out?

By waiting.

The molasses isn’t going anywhere. But it’s also not a motive force. It weighs you down, but it is static.  By struggling, by resisting, you are tiring yourself out. Forcing painful friction. This pain adds to the inertia, making you feel worse.

Be still. Be accepting.

Look at where the molasses clings. Wait for gravity to do it’s thing. Observe it as it gathers and gloops and falls to the floor.

By being patient and present, you free yourself of the painful struggle. And when it is gone, you will have an appreciation for the freedom others can take for granted.

+++++

[shirt]

No Measure

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

There is no such thing as “sick enough”.

As I write this I am several hundred thousand kilometres and quite a few air-hours from home. No support, no back-up. Just me and my condition.

And this one truth hits home – I am responsible for managing myself.

If I need help, then I get help. I may not feel like I deserve assistance. I may loathe the idea of asking for help – I usually do – but in this case no one else is going to do it for me. Because they can’t.

They don’t know.

And why not? Because there’s no measure for when someone is “sick enough” to get help. If you saw someone bleeding, you wouldn’t stop to measure how much blood they had lost before deciding to lend a hand. That’s counterproductive – you would help, or get them help, as fast as possible. Assess their needs, sure, but not dismiss them out of hand. Because there’s no such thing as bleeding enough, is there?

And it’s the same for mental health. If I am depressive or hypomanic, then that’s reality. It is happening – it is fact. Except in my case, no one can see the medical emergency going on. It’s all internal.

It’s up to me to act.

So if you are struggling, if you feel the need for assistance, do not listen to the thought that you are not “sick enough” because that definition does not exist.

Grenade

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

I love my family. My friends are a constant source of amusement and joy. My work and colleagues are fulfilling and distracting in equal measure. Life is good.

But like a certain character in a certain movie book (and now a movie), I feel like I’m a grenade. Like my only purpose is to go off, to hurl shrapnel and pain into the ones I love. And I know this is possible because I’ve done it before.

This is not an ideal way to live. Waking every day being unsure what I’ll say, how I’ll act, what events lie in wait that could pull my pin.

But there is a way forward. Yes, the feelings of inevitability and the need for vigilance are valid, real. But so is the fact that almost everything – everything – is recoverable. There may be hard work, hard words, hard times, but nothing insurmountable.

Because people are resilient. Not just me – I’m tough, and I know I’m tough – but the people around me. The people I care about, they know what I am – know about the shrapnel and the chemical forces behind it all – and they choose to stay of their own free will.

Because to them I am worth it. Plus, they’re tough too.

And if – no, when – when I go off, they are smart enough to keep their distance. And also kind enough to help pick up the pieces.

Change of pace

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

So this blog is about the tings I feel, summed up into a word or phrase. The aim? Name that feel, and by naming it give it form and look at it with fresh eyes. But I think I can do more.

Reverse the Bipolarities has more followers than I thought it would ever get. It feels good. I’ve read your stories. And I’d like to give something back.

What would you say if I changed the format a bit? Like maybe list how I dealt with it, or didn’t deal with it, or whatever insight I can get that is worth sharing?

That way the blog can live up to its name – reversing the negatives of bipolar. Maybe give back some of the support you’ve already shown.

Would you like that?

Editor-at-large

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

The job or an editor is disturbingly complex. Part proofreader, part lawyer, part marketing expert – but still an artist in their own right.

An editor keeps the story on track, points out the bits that don’t make sense, and asks intelligent questions that makes your content better -and makes you a better writer – even though you secretly hate the extra work.

An editor makes you more productive and able-minded by filtering out the crap and reshaping the weird into stuff that you can handle.

My editor has gone on holiday. And I’m making mistakes.

Soundtrack

reversethebipolarities_oqhia1Leave a comment

My family tells me they can tell when I’m going hypo because I start listening to songs, albums or playlists on repeat.

Heady beats, driving bass, ecstatic drops – whatever. I don’t know anything about music. I don’t even know I’m doing it. I just know what I like at the time. I know it makes me feel.

It’s weird to think that something so personal as taste in music changes depending on mood-state, as predicated by a mental illness. Being bipolar literally changes what you like – it doesn’t enhance you, it changes you.

Now I’m wondering if there’s actually a specific set of tunes that triggers hypomania, or if hypomania itself has a playlist.

Is music therapy a thing?

What about you? Do you have a soundtrack?