Tag: be kind

Be Kind

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At this time of year, many people feel alone.

They feel scared.

Left out.

Possibly due to circumstances outside their control.

Like mental health.

If this is you, it’s not your fault. You are strong and you’ll get through this..

If you see someone you know is struggling, and you feel okay in doing so, I urge you to tell them the same thing.

And if you are hypo, same deal.

At this time of the year, you are strong and you will get through this.

Basic Breakdown

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Sitting in a coffee shop. Trying to do some basic work.

Using my giant headphones

to ignore the basic conversation about how DudeName’s cousin shtupped What’s-A-Face’s little sibling.

I’m just trying to focus on the basics. Get the job done. Drink the cappuccino. Get paid. Go home.

And it all starts to go a bit peculiar.

First it’s the heart rate. My pulse goes up and I feel a bit edgy.

Palms go a bit sweaty.

DudeName drones on.

I can’t help but fixate on the conversation. Have you ever heard an annoying voice talking about a meaningless topic, yet get very engaged?

Stop it. Turn up the music. Type faster.

Then its the certainty that someone is staring at me. I stare at each group in turn, trying to figure out who’s eyeballing me.

Nope. Just focus on the basics.

Drink coffee. Ignore What’s-A-Face. Music. Work.

But now it feels like DudeName’s and What’s-A-Face’s voices are filling my world. I want to cry with the amount of apathy I have for their damn story.

Get the stuff done. Go home.

I just want to go home.

But instead I sit there like a fool.

In my head, if I pack up, pay for the bill and get out of here, then everyone will know. The unsettled hypomania wins.

And everyone will know.

And that’s the worst thing.

Or is it?

Here’s my three-step process for dealing with the Basic Breakdown.

  1. Imagine that all these other people are on their own islands. They have their own things going on. Any looks in my direction are circumstantial. They’re just glancing at the horizon.
  2. Stop drinking coffee. Like, right now. Yes I know I paid good money for it, but it feels like caffeine can trigger or extend my hypomanic symptoms. So I give myself permission to not finish the cup/pot/barrel.
  3. Save my work, pack up and go home. Work to your strengths when you can. And when your strength is failing, stop lifting.

Be kind and look after yourself.

If you can’t work in public, for whatever reason, then don’t.

Give yourself a break.

Pick something you know you can do.

  • Watch Netflix on your phone.
  • Read some comics.
  • Eat pizza with your hands and a paper towel.

And just let it pass.

+++++

[shirt]

Virtual Reality

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Emotions are real. You can feel them, see how they change things, hear them alter your voice.

Their existence is not a matter of question – it is fact. But they come with some big fucking caveats.

  1. NOBODY ELSE CAN FEEL THEM – all they can see is someone moving in response to stimuli they cannot sense
  2. YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID – with Bipolar (and other mental health issues) there is no point in judging the merit of an emotion. It is what it is, and examining it for validity will not resolve its intensity. Yes, you feel what you feel for a reason – that reason is chemicals in your brain doing a weird dance.
  3. YOU CANNOT CONTROL THEM – mindfulness practices may help you identify what you are feeling. This is good. But they cannot give you control over your emotions. Nothing can. But this doesn’t mean you don’t have a choice
  4. YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR REACTIONS – you may have no control over what you’re feeling, or why you are feeling it, but you can control how you react.

THIS IS SUPER TOUGH – because you are up against forces that literally part of you, and that no one else can see.Just like someone wear a VR headset, the people around you cannot experience what the wearer sees and hears – they can only observe the wearer’s reactions.

SO BE KIND TO YOURSELF – because the truth is that control is not always possible, and almost never desirable. You can’t take the headset off, but you can learn that this is your own reality. So be nice to yourself when you fall, and give yourself the space to fix things when you need it.