Listen, honey. We… we need to talk.
This ain’t about you, or anything you have done.
This is about me.
I am bipolar. I experience emotions in extreme intensities.
These moods do not have a correlation to reality.
They are polarised. Hence… well, hence the name, I guess.
Like, for example, you know that one time when you had a small break down because you broke a glass? You told me you knew the reaction was extreme. You also told me it happens because your grandmother was very protective of her stuff. And anyone who broke her crockery would receive a full-on backhand slap, no matter the company.
That reaction? That freezing up from fear and regret? I can agree with you, it’s extreme.
But it has, like, an anchor. A reason. Your brain learned that smashing glassware meant bad things.
Now, can you imagine having that freeze up reaction if your grandma didn’t even exist?
Yes, I know your grandma was a sweetie really, and she would never hurt anyone otherwise. And no, I mean no disrespect in using her in this example.
Honey, please just listen. This is very personal and hard to talk about.
Can you imagine how hard it would be to freeze up at the sound of broken glass for no reason?
Good.
Now, can you imagine feeling something else at that sound? Like getting really angry at that sound? Like, primeval, flipping tables and breaking bones kind of angry.
Yes, kind of like that one cousin who throws tantrums a lot. Drop of a hat.
Or you know those times when your feeling in the zone? Just getting things done, and anything that gets in your way has to be smushed?
Now imagine having these feelings for no reason. Nothing has happened to you to. And having them for days on end?
I know, honey. It’s hard to imagine without experiencing it.
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