I had a conversation with a well-meaning acquaintance recently. This
well-meaning person went out of their way to point out that I should be
optimistic. Because as a bipolar person, I had a list of productive
creative pursuits I could follow using my illness “as an advantage”.
And it’s taken a while to get to the point where I can look at that behaviour and say, no.
Not cool.
First up, mental illness is not an advantage.
I can’t switch it on and off. I have no choice over how it presents itself. It’s a condition. I live with it every day.
Yes, there are quite a few people with bipolar in artistic and creative fields.
But there’s a reason for that too.
Art is a release, not a superpower.
The bipolaroids I’ve spoken to who pursue creative works often say they do it because it’s a byproduct. Art is an out.
At
it’s best, art is creative therapy that, for some reason, other people
seem to like. At worst it’s trash that I make to distract myself from
how hellish my illness is making me feel.
In both cases, the works produced are not worth the cost.
Think
about that next time you’re looking at Starry Night, or Blue Poles. Or
anything by Gauguin. Think about the intensity and depth of feeling
gained from the works of Poe, Twain, Plath, Whitman, Hemingway. Think
about the strength of your reaction. Then multiply it by anyone who has
ever experienced these works. Then think about placing all that emotive
energy into one human mind and see how it fractures.
Yes, these people and their works are amazing.
But they are not magical.
They are paint on canvas. Words on a page. Anyone with skill and drive can learn to do same. Thousands have.
And
while neat, these works are not worth the cost these artists payed in
their misery. They could have just as easily been made by someone who
wasn’t wracked with internal torment.
So, do not tell me that I have a sorcerous mind because of my bipolarity.
My brain isn’t blessed by destiny. My work is good because I work at it.
My work is good despite my illness, not because of it.
And I’m not going to sacrifice my wellbeing so that others can be entertained.
I’m gonna look after my damn self and keep making good work when I can.
Now get off my back.
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