There is one key element I’ve seen that helps relationships last when one of you has a mental illness.
It’s the same thing that helps keep neuro-normal partners together as well.
(Neruo-normal is such a fun word to say!)
It’s called understanding.
With bipolarity and cyclothymia, my episodes and depressions are rarely, if ever, about my partner. They may be involved due to circumstance, location or because they’re the only person in shouting distance/who is willing to give me a hug. But this interaction is not entirely triggered by, nor aimed entirely at, them.
This interaction, whatever it is, is more about chemicals and neural path ways in my brain lining up a certain way.
It’s me reacting to unseen stimuli.
A partner who understands this doesn’t take it personally when I cancel romantic dates last minutes because “mental health”. Or when I drink too much and try to fight their friend who keeps hugging me because he’s “too friendly” and is “ruining my vibe”.
Sorry about that.
But yeah. The key to a lasting relationship is understanding.
Taking the ego out of the equation and looking deeper at the root cause of my sometimes-painful-but-mostly-weird behaviour.
People who do that for each other are magic. And if a person is willing to do support their mental-illness-bearing partner, to look deeper and understand the mechanics – then they get to be the most magical thing of all.
They might get the chance to be a reason for someone’s recovery.
+++++