Hi, Anon!
First up, the usual warnings:
- I’m not an expert at anything ever
- especially dealing with people or relationships
- The suggestions are from my own experiences only
- Your quality if life is #1 in any decision you make
When I received my diagnosis, I was struck with the finality of it.
This is for life.
When I told my parents, you could hear a pin drop. And my friends. Same deal.
But nothing happened. No one flipped out. Or accused me of faking.
I was also struck with the influx of admissions. People related. They told me of their struggles with mental health. Admitted to seeking professional help. These people who I know and love and would not have known otherwise if they did not tell me. We bonded over these shared concerns.
Don’t get me wrong, there were casualties. A few people who drifted away or were dismissive.
But it’s 100% their loss. I can honestly say that I am better for their
absence.
Nowadays, I am very open with my condition. If it comes up in conversation I will talk about it. If I’m asked questions, I will answer them.
Hell, I run a blog about it!
But I’m aware that not everyone has the circumstances I had during that time.
So here’s the process I suggest for thinking it through:
- Think about why you want them to know.
- What response you want?
- What response you are likely to get.
- What will help you most, now and in the long term?
Also, some reasons I came up with for wanting to keep it quiet:
- uncertainty over my friends’ reactions
- fear of being demonised for having a mental illness
- the lessening of my connection with friends
- potential loss of friendships
Plus some positive outcomes:
- improve my support network
- sharing can bring people closer/promotes trust
- removes the burden of keeping a secret
- honesty builds bridges and opens opportunities
And finally, here’s how I reasoned things out.
Being bipolar is not “who I am” – but it sure as shit is a part of me. It will not ever go away. So if I try and keep quiet about it, that’s keeping a secret. I do not enjoy keeping secrets. And I suck at lying.
People are forgiving. If you give them the chance to understand the reason behind weird or bad behaviour, they generally appreciate it. And more often than not, they will extend me the courtesy of understanding. Not excusing, but understanding.
Say I have a close friend. But that friend starts to dislike me for an aspect of my existence that I have no control over. Would I really want that person as a friend?
What works for the long term? In the end, I reasoned that it was better to let people know the facts. Help them understand if they wanted to. And then let them reach conclusions with my direct and honest input. It’s less work in the long run.
I hope this helps you! And if you have any questions, or feel like updating me, please do!