A friend is suffering through a bad bout of depression. And something hits me – I’ve never really experienced it from this side before and I’m a really shit therapist.
I’m trying to remain present, and fix what I can, but:
- Every cool or interesting thing I show them gets shot down
- Offers of food/drinks get criticised
- Every conversation turns to how shit their life is
And you know what? I got resentful.
Like, how dare they demean me like that? Why can’t they see how excellent they are? And can’t they see how their baggage is bringing me down too?
NO. STOP IT.
I haven’t been able to see the water I’m swimming in. Individually, people can be nice and kind and generous and wonderful. Collectively, we’re as thick as wooden planks. Society says to focus on the me, making me better – and so I focus on it to the exclusion of other people’s plights.
Well, I call bullshit. I can see from my time with this person that it’s really, stupidly hard to help people with depression, simply by the given nature of the disease.
They can’t accept help, can’t ask for it, can’t get out of bed in the morning. I have written about all this before, and I thought I understood it thoroughly. But now I have a massive appreciation for everyone who has ever lent me an ear when I’m venting, or traveled with me to the doctors because I’m too unstable to drive.
And I can see now that there’s so much more room for me to improve. Management isn’t about having a destination – I will never be “cured” – it’s about building myself up day by day to be better. I know this – but it applies to everyone else as well. And I think I lost sight of that somewhere along the way.
So thank you, traveling partner. Thank you for showing me that I don’t have all the answers, that I could stand to be more sympathetic and understanding. And for understanding why I slipped up.
I’m not a doctor, not even at all.
+++++